


Oblivion

by jusvibin1



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Cheating, M/M, idk i wrote this when i had some feels, kinda has drugs hinted, kinda lowkey sad, poor ry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25066597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jusvibin1/pseuds/jusvibin1
Summary: Ryan didn't often feel guilt, but it was suffocating.
Relationships: Jim Halpert/Ryan Howard
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	Oblivion

Sitting in his shitty too small apartment, Ryan can't help but think he brought it all on himself. The drugs hazed his mind, his pupils blown wide, jaw slack. The all familiar feeling of loneliness settled over him, head low and hunched over as he sat on the edge of his bed. Forgotten lines of coke on his bedside table, his maxed out credit card sitting next to it, the white powder dusting the edges.

It was a familiar sight. Every day he would find himself in the exact same position. The exact same feelings settling over him, trying to comprehend how he had even gotten himself into this mess. The dark bags under his eyes, once shiny glossy hair now matted and greasy, face gaunt. He wasn't even thirty... _for christ sakes._

He runs a hand down his face, over his neck. Fingertips brushing over the fading yellowish hickeys dotted along his skin. A reminder of what he once had... or what he thought he had because Ryan knew he couldn't have nice things. It was a lie. Everything was a damn lie. The secrets, the sneaking around, the lying. All the _lying._

A light scoff escaped past his chapped lips, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to tune out the too loud noise of the clock on the wall. The constant ticking driving him mad. He could hear the dull thud of his heart beat ringing in his ears, the damn ticking, the ever so slight buzz from the refrigerator, muffled foot steps from the floor above, harsh voices whispering... he wasn't sure if that last one was his imagination or not. The whispers... the names... _homewrecker... whore... slut..._

_princess..._

_baby..._

_His_ low voice, mouth right against Ryan's ear... _his_ breath tickling making the shivers and goosebumps appear. _H_ is hands, so rough.. so gentle... so _strong._ The caresses, finger print bruises on Ryan's soft tanned skin, the scratches, the soft kisses. _His_ lips, pressed so gently against his neck... against his lips... sucking harsh marks in their wake. The soft whimpers filling the room, breathy moans... his name falling from Ryan's swollen and bruises lips. Jim... _Jim Jim Jim..._ like a chant. Like that was the only name that could ever exist.

A name he would never get to chant again.

A name that would never appear on his phone screen again.

A name... a name that would haunt him forever.

A name of the person he loved so much. Still loves so much. Something that Ryan promised would never happen. He didn't fall in love. Not now... not ever. He couldn't even give Kelly that. Yet here he was in love with a man... a man that couldn't ever return his feelings. A man that was married. A man who had kids... a family. A house. The white picket fences that Ryan wanted. That he wanted so badly.

The name of the man that promised him everything... yet that wasn't his right. It wasn't his right to promise Ryan everything. The empty promises that Ryan had so easily lapped up, so easily accepted whilst Jim was roughly fucking him against the wall. The mattress. On the floor. The kitchen counter. In Ryan's mum's car. In _Jim's_ car. The child's car seat in the back burning Ryan with guilt as he rode Jim to oblivion. In the office... so near to where his wife sat.

Ryan didn't often feel guilt, but it was suffocating. He was selfish. So fucking selfish. He _had_ to have Jim. He was so so _so_ selfish.... and now...

_He had no one._


End file.
